I’m always aware of anniversaries, even before I’m aware that I’m aware. Dated memories tap, knock, and finally pound until I look up and open the door to them.
I heard the memories knocking as April began, knew in the back of my mind, or maybe actually in all my cells, that the anniversary was coming up, but I was busy in the present, as much as one can be in the present when memoir-revision is always on her desk.
On the night of April 11, 2007, Lee was arrested for hitting me. He only ever came home again (with approved-third-party supervision) to retrieve his things, bound by a restraining order.
Despite busy-ness, the knocking persists. What is that sound? It makes me uncomfortable. How can so many unresolved feelings still lie in wait?
Last Wednesday, I received a request from a woman who wanted me to talk to her women’s group about domestic violence. Her scheduled speaker had cancelled due to a health problem.
Yes, I’ll do it.
I realized later that I had just committed to speak on April 11, four years after I made that 9-1-1 call.
I told the group about the synchronicity.
And the memories keep knocking now–lunch with a longtime friend of Lee’s last Saturday. A a phone call yesterday from another friend of Lee’s who’d moved away. Dreams.
I open the door to the memories, but once it’s open, I can walk through it, too. I can step into another room. I can step outside.
The events of April 11, 2007 marked the end of the world as I knew it.
Speaking to a group of 45 women about those events on April 11, 2011 marked the end of the world as I knew it. Again.
And I feel fine.
How about some R.E.M. to celebrate?
This is powerful Angela. Love how synchronicity signals that something bigger than we imagine is at play. Brava for surrendering and crossing that magical threshold. Yes, the spaces that hold us captive are the ones that can set us free. Perhaps we are the ones who change and they in turn transform with us.
Celebrating with you!
One never does know, based on the external, on the assumptions, on self centeredness, the narrow mindedness ~ the expectations, the putting down of one’s self…
Angela, I am humbled . I gratefully accept & receive this gift that you so freely give. I will not be the same spirit on ‘her’ path ~ thank you for this…You listened & shared your story & touched many. Everything is in Divine & Perfrect Order.
I love you. I celebrate you. & R.E.M. sounds perfect.
i love marjory and her words: “the spaces that hold us captive are the ones that can set us free.” and i love jo and these words from her: “Everything in Divine and Perfect Order.” and last, but definitely not least, i love you and your words: ” open the door to the memories, but once it’s open, I can walk through it, too. I can step into another room. I can step outside.” all beautiful. thank you. and xoxo.
Just last night, I had a profound conversation with a friend/spiritual teacher about the necessity to “close the doors” in order not to stay waiting in the hallway. 11 is said to be a call for Lightworkers, a call to step out of restricted human thinking and remember who we really are are live our Divine Purpose. How is that for synchronicity and empowerment 🙂 I found you through Marjory’s tweet and sincerely wish you the best!
Angela, This is beautiful. You are beautiful. And, it’s such a gift to the whole world that you are sharing and doing what you are here to do. One day at a time. One woman at a time. One breath at a time.